![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92){kind=small}
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=92){kind=small}
Dear Annie: For the past year, my wife, "Janie," has been getting hot flashes. She is always broiling in the house while the rest of the family freezes. She insists on keeping the temperature at 70, while the rest of us are most comfortable at 74. She recently purchased warm slippers for everyone and suggested we wear long sleeves.
Annie, I like to wear T-shirts and walk barefoot. I work long hours, and when I come home, I like to shed most of my clothes. I pay the mortgage and should not be freezing in my own home. Our family doctor said the hot flashes could last for years. I say she is disrespectful to all of us. She says I am insensitive. We are at an impasse.
I found out she is looking for an apartment. I love my wife and beg you to help us before it's too late. -- Upstate New York Where It's 20 Degrees Outside
Dear New York: You think you're uncomfortable? Imagine how your wife feels with an internal thermostat that periodically sets her on fire. The U.S. Dept. of Energy recommends that your home thermostat be set at 68 degrees in winter (78 degrees in summer). You can warm up more easily than your wife can cool down.
We recommend a compromise. You offer to be comfortable in sweats if she will speak to her doctor about medication to control her hot flashes or visit a health food store for more natural remedies. A pair of slippers and some hot cocoa seems a small price to pay to save your marriage.
← Ctrl← Alt
Ctrl →Alt →
February 24 2012, 16:04:23 UTC 3 months ago
This line makes him sound like one of those husbands that demands that things in their household go his way and to hell with everyone else.
February 24 2012, 16:07:20 UTC 3 months ago
I keep my thermostat at 65 because I'm cheap, so I'm always a little cold, and I would kill for 70 right now.
2 months ago
3 months ago
3 months ago
2 months ago
February 24 2012, 16:05:47 UTC 3 months ago
I'm one of those perpetually cold people, and I think there's something wrong with you. Are you, y'know, getting enough iron in your diet? Or are you just so used to cranking the thermostat to ridiculous levels that you can't stand being only slightly warmer than the rest of us?
And look, she even bought you all fuzzy slippers because she knows you're unhappy and she wants to help.
(Of course there's probably a lot of stuff going on besides the thermostat if she's looking to move out, but beyond the temperature issue standing in for "disrespectful" and "insensitive," I can't really speculate.)
February 24 2012, 17:16:24 UTC 3 months ago
At work I once turned the heat up by my desk on high, I meant to do it briefly just to get some warmth going since I was the first one in that day, but I forgot about it and left for a meeting. When I came back my co-worker, whose desk is right next to mine, was wearing just a tank top and the heat was off completely. I've never forgotten to turn it down again since and I just brought in a couple of extra sweaters.
3 months ago
2 months ago
February 24 2012, 16:11:56 UTC 3 months ago
I have a blood condition that makes me cold all of the time. I'd love to keep the apartment temperature at 85, but I don't live alone and realize that boiling my SO alive isn't exactly a kind thing to do.
I also worked for years with a bunch of women who were menopausal who would keep the fans blowing in our already too cold for me office.
So yeah, compromise, I live in sweat pants and hoodies in the summer, and he lives in his boxers in the winter.
February 24 2012, 16:55:05 UTC 3 months ago
2 months ago
February 24 2012, 16:33:11 UTC 3 months ago
Meds to control hot flashes can have a lot of side effects, up to and including blood clots and strokes. And "natural" meds can have plenty of side effects too. Dude needs to put on some damn sweats and stfu.
February 24 2012, 16:55:48 UTC 3 months ago
3 months ago
February 24 2012, 16:47:36 UTC 3 months ago
February 24 2012, 17:14:51 UTC 3 months ago
3 months ago
February 24 2012, 16:52:02 UTC 3 months ago
February 24 2012, 19:10:49 UTC 3 months ago
2 months ago
February 24 2012, 17:10:52 UTC 3 months ago
February 24 2012, 20:55:57 UTC 3 months ago
February 24 2012, 17:14:10 UTC 3 months ago
February 24 2012, 18:33:51 UTC 3 months ago
But here's the thing. There's a huge difference between can't do anything to get comfortable and won't do anything to get comfortable. The way this situation is described it sounds like LW won't do what he can, while the wife can't do a whole lot. Now I don't know, maybe Janie is dressing in twenty layers of sweaters, chugging boiling water, and sitting under a pile of blankets all the time, and then complaining about being hot and forcing everyone else to accommodate her by turning the thermostat down. But it doesn't sound like that's what is going on. Like it or not, it's probably easier for LW and the other cold people in the house to find ways to warm up that don't involve raising the temperature than it is for Janie to find ways to cool down. I agree with Annie's advice, though I would add that the medicine aspect shouldn't be a deal-breaker (i.e. LW shouldn't declare that he doesn't have to change his ways if Janie doesn't start taking medicine). LW is being insensitive. He and the others in the house need to work out a good compromise with Janie that doesn't involve undue suffering on anyone's part, or he needs to let his wife have her own apartment so they can both set the thermostat to whatever they want in their own respective homes.
February 25 2012, 11:34:49 UTC 2 months ago
I worked in an office where the air con couldn't cope with people *and* computers being in the same building (really good for an IT department..) so the temperature regularly hit 87-88 degrees farenheit inside there. And we couldn't open the windows. It was a hellhole and all of us would have gladly traded the office being cold and having to put another layer on rather than working out how we could remove a layer of skin.
February 24 2012, 18:59:02 UTC 3 months ago
February 24 2012, 20:08:07 UTC 3 months ago
2 months ago
February 24 2012, 19:06:18 UTC 3 months ago
Yes. I am someone that gets warm very easily and it's like people forget this. They can put on a sweater, but it isn't as easy to go in the other direction. It's not like she's doing it to spite them, it sounds like she genuinely can't help it, so I don't know what he expects his griping to do about it. Like she can hit a switch and be all better just to please him. I'd probably move out too in her case. I do hope they can work it out, though.
February 24 2012, 19:19:36 UTC 3 months ago
This guy is a self-centered turd.
February 24 2012, 20:22:26 UTC 3 months ago
Hey dumbass, whether it's 20 degrees or 120 degrees outside, 70 degrees is the same goddamn temperature. You would probably be fine in short sleeves on a 70-degree day -- hell, I live in Michigan, I've greeted the first 60-degree day in short sleeves and loved it, where on a 60-degree day in fall I'd be breaking out the sweaters (and loving it -- first sweater day, in its way, is just as great as first T-shirt day). I get the psychology, trust me, but I'm also aware of it.
At any rate, my point is that 70 degrees will not freeze you to death even if it's 20 degrees outside, or 20 below. You're still at 70 degrees.
And why do I suspect you're one of those assholes who cranks the A/C down to 65 in the summer and then bitches about his power bills?
February 24 2012, 20:51:55 UTC 3 months ago
I think the compromise sucks, because the "medication" to control hot flashes is hormones that can cause cancer. And the "health food" supplements aren't a whole lot better (they are hormone mimickers). Why should she load her body with potentially toxic chemicals so her whinyassed husband can wander around the house in his shorts?
February 25 2012, 11:31:35 UTC 2 months ago
2 months ago
February 24 2012, 21:55:57 UTC 3 months ago
February 24 2012, 22:29:50 UTC 3 months ago Edited: February 24 2012, 22:30:52 UTC
February 24 2012, 23:50:26 UTC 3 months ago
February 25 2012, 00:11:25 UTC 3 months ago
February 27 2012, 22:06:39 UTC 2 months ago
February 25 2012, 01:50:05 UTC 3 months ago
February 25 2012, 02:23:55 UTC 3 months ago
Point being, I have woken up to the temperature in my "house" (lol, house) at a nice toasty 54, on more than a dozen occasions. Even when it's working perfectly, I STILL only keep it at 68. If it was that warm, I'd go broke.
February 25 2012, 11:29:47 UTC 2 months ago
I get hot flushes too (bloody medications screwing up my hormones) and they honestly are far more detrimental to getting anything done than your need to put another layer of clothing on.
Marriage is supposed to be a two-way street, you are behaving like the street is one-way, yours, and covered in dog poo.
February 25 2012, 20:54:52 UTC 2 months ago
I (temporarily, thankfully) live with my mother and father. My mother is going through menopause. I'm sure it sucks, and I'm sure it's uncomfortable, but I'm not sure why her desires override the other two people in the house. She opens all the windows in the house, turns off the heat, turns on fans, whatever she can. I run cold as it is, but I don't see why I have to bundle myself up in my house in mulitple layers and socks, and hide under blankets just because my mother gets a hot flash. If we're driving, she opens the windows and turns on the AC. My father and I do not get a say, at all. She's also a toxic narcissist, so she has plenty of other issues. My mother's desires are number one and we are never allowed to speak against her in any way.
So yes, he could put on some socks. But seriously, it gets old after a while. I would like to be able to feel my toes in my house on occasion, and not shiver while trying to make dinner. Surely people can come to a compromise instead of one person running the show constantly.
February 25 2012, 23:04:46 UTC 2 months ago
2 months ago
February 25 2012, 23:53:48 UTC 2 months ago
February 28 2012, 01:45:13 UTC 2 months ago
....I have no words.
Probably a good thing.
February 26 2012, 07:22:36 UTC 2 months ago
February 28 2012, 01:49:09 UTC 2 months ago
I don't want to accidentally risk him convincing her to stay longer.
← Ctrl← Alt
Ctrl →Alt →